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Insecurity

                                                                                                      Chapter 5

                                                                         
After a few twists and turns she finds herself back to where she started. But this time she's dirtier and is more confident in herself. She hid the pouch she kepy from the underworld behind her back. She didn't have a better place to put it but she didn't want people to notice it and call her the Devil's lover. 

[Read...]Once she walked a few miles she stopped because she didn't know where she was going and didn't want to risk going back from where she came from. She sat on a stump and thought about what she was going to do next. She didn't have a map or any directions so she just waited for something to come along to guide her. 

After a few hours, she got up and started walking again.  She rethought her plan to wait and took matters into her own hands. 

After three days she started crying and gave up, thinking about how much she failed. Letting it sink in.
She looked down at a white flower blowing in the breeze. After a few minutes of that she became bored and started to walk again. She felt a presence beside her and looked to her left where she saw the man in a white suit. This time he has a box with him.

"So, how was your journey?" He asked with a smile on his face.

She looked at him and shook her head, making the clumps off dirt fly out of her head. 

"How do you think it was? And if you say you thought it was rainbows and unicorns then you're just not the right person to help me." Leslie said as she started to wallk again.

He laughed and she gave him the 'what is wrong with your brain' look. 

"You know what? I'm not gonna get really far without your help. So why don't we just get to the point. Point me in the right direction and I'll go on from there." Leslie said, stopping and turning to face him.

" I would but where would the fun be in that plan? I would lose a new friend."

"I didn't know you gained a friend." She sighed. "Please, just tell me."
"If I tell you where to go then you won't know what to look out for. Or who to look out for."
"What could go wrong? It's Heaven. HEAVEN! The worst that could go wrong is I would probably fall on my face." 

"That is what you think, but I assure you that more than that could go wrong. Especially if you tell people who you are.''

She stopped walking and looked at him.

"Why can't I tell any angels who I am?" Leslie asked.

"Because they will have a feeling that you don't belong there, and you not having a halo or wings or any kind of glow to you really doesn't help."

"Oh. Well I'm sure I can push thrrough that. That'll be super easy. Just tell a few white lies and I'll be done with the bugging angels."

"That's what you think."

"Oh goodness, what don't I know now?"

He looked at her for a moment and hummed. Then started walking, she followed behind him.

"What fun would it be if I tell you?" He answered.

"Fun? This isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be a mission to help me get my life back."

He lifted an eyebrow.

"So now you're fighting to get your life back. I bet you regret taking it away before."

She thought about it before answering. 

"I don't regret it because I was living an undesirable life. If I can have this second chance... to have this second chance to do and be what I want. It would be perfect."

"I would hope it would fit you rather than be perfect. Sometimes you think you want something that's perfect. But what you really want is something that'll fit you. Your personality, the things that make you upset and the things that make you smile. You need a life that fits you."

"So... does that mean you agree that my old life sucked?"

"I don't agree with that. There are people who has to live in worst situations. But they pull through it."

"They probably have someone to look after or a really close goal. Maybe they're mentally strong."

"Most likely. But you are stronger now then you have ever been."

"Thanks. I've been through enoug to make me stronger." 

"I like this new you. I can't wait to see how you will change when you some out of Heaven."

"I wonder about that too. So, what's in that box of yours?"

He looked at the box then at her.

"Why don't you see for yourself?"

He gave her the box and she took it. When she looked inside she saw a glass bottle filled with purple liquid. She raises an eyebrow and looks at him.

"What is this?" She asked, putting the box on the ground and held the bottle.

"It's a potion that'll make you appear to be an angel."

"Cool. So will I have an awesome halo?"

"I don't know."

"Does this mean I can tell people who I am?"

"No. You must not tell anyone who you are. If you do then it'll ruin everything."

"Oh."
"Yeah. Now drink it."

She eyed him.

"If I pass out and wake up with no eyes I'm coming after you." 

"Be my guest."

She squinted her eyes and uncorked the bottle. She didn't even bother to sniff it because she started to trust him. It tasted like pure vanilla with a hint of honey. She didn't know why it was purple, but she did think about how the color of the potion didn't match the taste. 

She finised and handed him the bottle. 

"It was pretty good." She said.

"Glad to hear that. Would you like to sit down?" He asked.

"Um... Sure." She said as she started to feel dizzy. 

She saw his face and everthing else, but it was all a blur. She couldn't hear him either. Her eyes closed and she drifted off.


__________________________________________________________



She woke up in an undescribable place but she knew she was in Heaven. She got up and walked around. Looking at the people with beautiful halos and wings that grew out of their backs. The wings weren't big, but there were the most beautiful things she has ever seen.

She wondered if her wings and halo was beautiful, then decided not to dwell on it. She had to stay focused on her mission which was getting the Vir Des Noirs and getting a second chance at life. 

She started to walk around and tried to look the palace. During the walk she bumped into someone, knocking them both baccdk a little.

She looked up to see a. average height man with black hair, green eyes, and big arms.

"Sorry. I wasn't looking at where I was going." She said.

"It's ok. It happens to a lot of people."

"Yeah I bet it does. By any chance do you know where any palace is?" 

"Of course. I'll show you if you like."

She sighed.

"That would be great."

They started walking. She loved the feeling of being there, it made her feel like she could do anything. She smiled and looked at the man as they kept walking.

"So, what's your name?" She asked.

"Lucas."

"Hello Lucas, I'm Leslie."

"It's nice to meet you Leslie."

"It's nice to meet you too." She smiled.

They kept walking until they were outside of the palace and it was huge, just as the imagined it would be. But she noticed something the man in the suit didn't tell her. The people were wearing a ring. 

She didn't know why the wore it, but she knew that she would just have to hide her hand so she wouldn't be exposed for something she had no clue about.

When they walked up to the palace, she couldn't walk anymore. She couldn't even put her hand out in front of her. She came to the conclusion that there must have been a barrier there. That was the reason the people were wearing rings. 

Lucas looked at her and she laughed.

"This is a little embarrassing but I seemed to have forgotten something. I'll see you inside." She said.
"Ok." He smiled as he left.
She hid behind the bushes and waited for someone to try to go through. After thirty minutes of waiting someone was about to walk through by themself but she stopped him as he was about to cross through the barrier. 
"Hey, can you help me?" She said, trying to sound troubled.

"Of course." 

He walked over to her and when his back was to her she took that opportunity to hit him in the back of the head with a heavy rock. When she noticed that he was still awake, she tore a peice of his shirt off and gagged him with it. She hit him in the head repeatly until there was some blood on the rock. Turning him over and poking him to see if he was awake, which he wasn't.

She looked for a ring and find it on a necklace. Tearing it off and stealing his jacket. She reached in her pouch and grabbed a poison tipped dagger. She stabbed him in the neck and he dissappeared in a firery puff. With that happening she didn't even want to think about where he went. SHe put the necklace and the jacket on. Hiding the pouch in the inside pocket. 

She walked off like nothing ever happened. Yet she felt bad about what she jkust did. She was in Heaven and she just did that. But in the long run it will be worth it, or so she hoped. 


Just for my readers

Well, I know I haven't posted anything up on here in a while. Buuuuuuut there has been a tiny problem. My laptop charger just randomly stopped working. I write all of my stories on my laptop on the word document or word pad. One of those two. Right now I'm on the computer in the living room. But pretty much I don't remember what was going on in chapt. 4, well I do. I just don't remember all of the details. But I won't be able to post anything up on here for a while. I don't know how long, but I hope it's not gonna be a long wait. Erm, yep. That's it. 

I finally understand

No one cares..............



No one fucking cares.........


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Just my thoughts.......

I hate it when people stop caring. I know it not my place to say 'you're a horrible person if you stop caring about the good people'. But when the innocent and good people need help I think people would be like 'oh! I'll help you.' But apparently not. Apparently they just don't care. It's almost as bad as seeing puppies or dogs getting abused and thinking 'well, it isn't my dog'. It's just not fair. When people need help others don't hesitate to look away. But once someone takes their life the people act like they cared but they don't. They just put on an act and usually people fall for it. But when people sit by and watch what actually happened, they see that the people didn't help but just ignored the person. Maybe even pushed them away. And nothing irritates me more than when people don't help someone who is a good person. Maybe if all the douches were on another planet we would more good people who don't feel depressed or might even take their own life.




Just my thoughts :/


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Just releasing some pressure.

I'm really irritated with how I know I'm being viewed. Usually with something like irritating or useless, anything really along those lines.  

I've also noticed how some people are... avoiding me. So with those thing and also constantly being mostly alone. I've started to detest people more. 

And now... at this point of my life... which really isn't that long. Just seems that way. I think that if everything end up staying the same or if people don't change then I'll end up going crazy. With bottling things up and adding more thing to it, I'm only making things worst and society really isn't helping.  Esp. with obstacles constantly being thrown at me. And all I do is sit back and let it just take its toll....

What's really confusing is when I'm told that I don't do or have things that I need to do or have..... I try to do or get the things and everything just falls apart..... It's like what's the point of really trying? With the only person who understood everything about me not with me. -he's not dead, just left the city for a stupid reason and his whole plan ended up backfiring- Everything is just so much harder.
 
I guess the only thing good to come is what I've planned.
______________________________________________________


Sorry for this... whatever it is. Just felt like I needed to get something out. Not really letting it out, just releasing some of the pressure.....hopefully

Possible new story

Well, most likely, The Other- Half won't be finished for some time. But I am writing another story. 

But here's the thing....  It doesn't have anything to do with j-rock. 

I am almost 100% positive that no one would read this story but I still kinda want to post it. It's not a simple story yet it's awesome. Well at least I think it. is. 
But I just want to know if anyone would prefer me to continue The Other- Half ( when I decide to actually work on it) or Insecurity? 
It's about a girl who lives in a world where beauty is everything, yet you are only beautiful if you have a high IQ. She ends up killing herself and a man tells her about a stone called Vie Des Niors and it will bring her back to life to be anything she wants to be. She decides to go on the path to get the key then the stone. Willing to actually give herself another try.

Well, does it sound interesting??
But if I don't get anything saying yes or no. I'll just put the story up anyway

Randomness

Well, since The Other- Half is almost over I've been thinking about making a fic with Alice Nine, but I'm not 100% on that and I'm not all that great with writing one-shots.


Sooooo I think after The Other- Half is done I'll be busy the other stories I've been writing that isn't PSC  related. But they won't be posted up on here.  So if you want another chapter fic than leave a comment or sent me a message telling me so.
Until then I'll continue writing the fic and making cookies.

I've Been Thinking


I am currently considering stopping 'The Other- Half' 
 I know I have readers, but I don't think I have the patience to finish this.

Another thing is that I'm usually is a poor mood. 

So.... I don't think I will be finishing the story.



Options

Poll #1777343 Options

You wake up in dark, locked, and boarded room with nothing but a bed, couch, recliner, and a desk. You find out someone kidnapped you and is recording your every move. How do you escape?

Act dead, wait until he comes in and try to escape, locking him inside.
4(100.0%)
Try to knock the door down?
0(0.0%)
Use some pins and try to unlock the door?
0(0.0%)
Try to fake a medical emergency?
0(0.0%)
Try to find a tunnel out?
0(0.0%)

Confused

I am so confused at this point of life. 

I know I know, I'm probably too young to be all like:

                                                          Im too old for this
                                                 

                                                                Or

                                                        I shouldn't depend on someone, I should depend on myself.

That last one isn't even possible yet but I think I really need to stop, and think, then start again but at a slower pace than before.

I seriously think that I need to work on my flaws an try to make myself  "acceptable"  with society and myself.





                                                                              I really need to work on myself.